Whether knee-deep in a divorce, or simply considering the possibility, there’s no doubt that you’re in a difficult situation. Please take comfort in knowing that, no matter how painful it may be at the moment, healing will come with time. There are even some things you can do during the process of divorce to make it more manageable.
Limit Contact With the Other Party
This one is really hard – but could be critical for your mental and emotional health. Ideally, while going through a divorce, you would maintain a healthy boundary with your ex-spouse while still having an open line of communication. Healthy and safe communication is very important. But if your ex-spouse has manipulative or abusive tendencies, or other problems that could affect you emotionally, you need to have a safe way to communicate without compromising yourself. Even if your ex-spouse isn’t toxic in any way, it can be very painful to have them constantly close by during divorce proceedings. Take advice from a trusted therapist and/or lawyer as needed.
Be Mindful of Children
Family law cases can be traumatic for everyone involved, children in particular. They add an entirely new layer of complication to divorce. Be careful to prioritize their needs and to communicate with them; their traumas at this stage of life can affect them for years to come. If you have a healthy relationship with your ex-spouse, talk to them about how to move forward with the kids. Avoid uprooting them from their home, if possible – although of course their safety is the number one priority. Talk about the possibility of seeing a child therapist individually, or a family therapist as a group. Custody proceedings especially can be rough, so be sure to prepare yourself to go through them with as much respect, love, and security as possible towards your children.
Be Generous With Yourself
Assigning blame and fault does not really help anybody in a divorce. Regardless of your situation, the action that you can take here and now is to commit to a better future for yourself and for your family. You are severing a deep, personal connection with another person – so of course it’s painful. But things need to get worse before they get better, and they will get better. You are on the road to a better life; it may not seem like that right now, but it’s true. Consider treatment as needed. That could include therapy and healthy coping mechanisms that help you focus on what’s important in life.
Divorce is traumatic, but your trauma does not define you. You can do small and simple things now in order to minimize your pain in the long run. So, keep going! Healing will come. All you have to do is keep moving forward.
Check out this article on the top 5 tips for better mental well being
